“I’m not here to teach you. I’m here to love you. Love will teach you.” – Unknown

Do you ever have days were you feel hollowed out? Or like a thin version of yourself?

This often happens to me around full moons, periods, and eclipses. We just had a full moon eclipse, and I am getting my period, so I am feeling particularly thin today.  On the verge of tears. Most decisions feel agonizing as I can’t seem to locate what exactly I want or need. My emotions seem to be flying around untamed.

On days like this I find that it is best to cancel plans and possibly call off work, lay low, hunker in, do laundry, make tea, watch a movie, and watch my emotions float by like an on-screen sensation. They are sensations that seem to burst into new forms right and left.

Most people like me who work predominantly from their feminine energy are highly emotionally attuned beings. It is part of our gift in this world. There is a softness, a fluidity, that allows us to take in the world around us and processes it through our emotions and feelings. The result of this process is that we transmute and clear a lot of heavy energy through our bodies for ourselves, for our families, and for the collective. It is important and noble work. We are taking pain and misunderstanding, and listening to it, working it out in our awareness, both consciously and unconsciously. Reflecting on ourselves and others and following our inner guidance to create a higher understanding of what has happened.

Each month, women of a certain age get an opportunity to flow and cleanse the experiences from the previous month through their blood.

We are living in a societal structure that is largely developed by the masculine experience of the world. The masculine is often compared with Solar energy, the timing of the sun that we mark our calendars by: precise, scheduled, driving forward, conquering, controlling, leading. This schedule doesn’t create flexible space for the flow of emotions in our daily lives. As we awaken more to our own bodies and feelings, there is a kind of initiation we undergo as part of fully respecting it’s natural process. An initiation in creating boundaries so that we are safe to feel when we need to feel. Knowing who we are and respecting ourselves enough to protect our energy when we are deep in a process.

This is a sense of personal sovereignty that doesn’t always come easy to us feminine-oriented beings who thrive in connection and in relationship. Saying no, or pulling ourself away from others can be challenging. The feminine is often compared to the moon, waxing and waning, changing a little bit every day.

Several Indian American societies sent men to the sweat lodges when they were seeking a deep transformation in their tribe. Many hours in an extremely hot sweat lodge is what it took to break down the masculine protections enough to encounter their emotions and spirituality. Women typically didn’t participate in sweat lodges because it was recognized that their bodies are naturally more sensitized and emotionally attuned, and that their monthly menses naturally created a deep, ongoing connection for them. Women did often go off to some version of the Red Tent to be together with other women during their moon cycles. To listen to themselves and spirit, away from their regular duties and the rest of the tribe.

Ideally, our western culture would also value these internal emotional processes and recognize that the feminine needs space to process emotions sometimes. That is simply not true in the Western world at this moment. So we must learn to claim it for ourselves before we shift the collective tide on this matter. Let’s teach other women, and protect our younger sisters/brothers .

I find that self-love is the most important piece when we are changing patterns to protect our space. Especially when emotions feel ungrounded, chaotic, and confusing. My favorite mode of self-love on these days is to be very careful around what I say “yes” to.  I have humbly accepted that a clear “no” can be our best energetic tool.

Knowing our “yes” and our “no” is a lifetime practice which requires daily maintenance and attunement, especially when we are in the Olympic games of emotional mastery. Our “yeses” and our “nos” are important to discern because they are part of creating personal boundaries.

Here in California we are sometimes thought of as “flaky” or non-committal.  The same could be said of the whole millennial generation. While this may be true, for the most part we come by it honestly.  It takes time to hone in our energy-meters, especially when most of us have been rewarded in work and school to bust right through any internal guardrails that could defend us from falling deep into overload. Guideposts such tiredness, lack of passion, or depression.

It takes deep listening to gauge the precise tug of giving and receiving in the flow of life.  The energies of our bodies, of the people around us, and of the general collective and planetary shifts, especially around eclipses and other major world events.

The little choices we make each day are important. They determine what our life will be. How we invite and deflect energies in and out of our space determines what kind of experience we create for ourselves and our world. So we must choose wisely. Even when it is hard. (That is usually when it is most important.)

My favorite and most simple recipe for determining our “yes” and “no” is this:

  • Breathe
  • Breath again
  • Release the death grip your mind has on what you think should happen
  • Breathe again
  • Feel your body
  • What choice feels most enlivening inside of you, what feels bright and light (sometimes it’s a close call, so just breathe more deeply into it)
  • You will know
  • If you don’t know, then just wait and don’t make a decision yet
  • Check in with yourself later and wait to make a choice until you are clear
  • Keep breathing

There is much to be said for commitment and keeping our word. Staying in alignment with what we have already said yes to. It also requires us to guard our “nos” and our “yeses.” But if you decide to cancel a plan or change a date here are some recommendations:

  • Do it as soon as you are clear
  • Break the news with total transparency
  • Make no excuses, take responsibility for how you are feeling
  • Confirm with them what you are committed to

This is what creates a clear and healthy boundary, rather than a murky one that tends to hurt someone involved.

It can be surprisingly refreshing to be honest with another person about where you’re at. Maybe there will be backlash for the choice, or money lost, or respect lost, but you can chalk it up to the column on self-love and trust that your internal compass is the most important relationship that you can be building.

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